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Thursday, April 19, 2012

THE TRUTH BEHIND SHADY GREG'S FIRST MARRIAGE!

To better understand how the Shady One got to be as cynical and deranged as he is, I share the following true story, which he himself told me late one night when he had been drinking on the job, eyes bleary, vomit on his shoes (Which had at first caused Greg to scream "Where the fuck did the corn come from? I haven't had any corn!") dribble on his chin. Shady told me that before he found his current and "Glorious" wife he had been previously married. I asked him what caused the first marriage to collapse and, words slurring greatly, he relayed this story: I was finishing the worst shift of my life. All my customers had been assholes, i had been hammered with returns and was ending my shift $3200 in the hole. On my way home I got t-boned by some stupid, high teenager with no insurance. My car was smashed in on the passenger side now and I had only bought it the week before. Needless to say I was pissed! So I drive home, and have to park it in the driveway because my garage door opener was on the fritz. Anyhow, I get out of my car and through an open upstairs window I hear my then wife moaning. At first, as I stood there, The moaning was soft and could have meant she was injured or something. As I made my way to the front door though her moaning grew in intensity and was punctuated with little "Oh Baby"s and "Come on"s and shit. I burst through my front door and stopped at the bottom of my stairs. There, I stood for a second, hereing my wife moan and scream and swear in ecstacy like she had never done for me. I told myself she was  masturbating. She COULDN"T  be cheating on me. Not me damnit! But deep down I knew she was. With my wife beginning to yell "FUCK ME HARDER! FUCK ME HARDER!" I charged up the stairs and kicked open our bedroom door. And there she was. On the bed. My best friend fucking her from behind. I cursed my wife "You Bitch! You Whore! You Slut!" then I turned to my best friend and I screamed "BAD DOG! BAD DOG!".

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