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Thursday, July 25, 2013

SHADY FUCKING GREG COMES BACK!

Shady Fucking Greg, the World's most un-employable employed stiff, has been given the boot out of the vacuum wasteland and sent back to the Appliance Department. Why? No one seems to know. If you remember Shady had been exiled to the great void known vaguely as the vacuum area because he couldn't cut the mustard (literally. He is one weak Son of Bitch!) in the Appliance Department. Shady seemed to prosper in vacuums at first but as reality settled in Shady began to drown as is his "Comfort Zone". When Shady appeared to have pulled his final Natalie Wood, a life preserver floated out of no where and pulled a gasping Greg back to Appliances (looking every inch the half-drowned RAT clinging to a scrap of driftwood, no less). I have come to think of Shady as a Great Cosmic Fly and the sadistic Universe yanks his wings off, they magically grow back only to be yanked off again and again and again. The amusement factor has almost completely run it's course and I feel close to a sense of pity for the poor defiance of evolution that is the Shady One. I mean the Appliance Department is a Shark Tank. It is filled with a Great White or two, a Tiger, a Bull, one mean-ass Blue Barracuda with a few harmless Remoras along for the ride. Shady isn't even fit to be referred to as a Remora. After his fall from his perch in the vacuum area Greg comes back to Shark infested waters as a smelly, disgusting, Bucket o' Chum being trailed behind the "ORCA" by an urbane, one eyed Mad Man on a Moby Dick Quest (in Shady's case that should be Moby Dickless). Please understand, I actually wish the lying, cheating, maggot ridden chunk of Human Trash well. I hope he succeeds! But if there is one thing this Cruel Cold Rock has taught me on my Mad Merry Go, it is this: A disease infested, useless, annoying, sickening Wingless Fly should be crushed underfoot in one Quick Brilliant Bloody Stomp. On the other hand, sick kicks can be had at the expense of the BLOODIED. LET ACT TWO OF THE SHADY CHRONICLES BEGIN!!!

Saturday, July 6, 2013

SHADY GREG EXPLAINS HIS PLANS FOR THE FUTURE!

Shady Greg, the worlds blandest blonde boy-man (his Rap name is Watered Down Vanilla Melted Ice), has new plans for his future. Figuring he can't sell vacuums for life, Greg is starting his own business. The Shady One plans on going door to door to start, but hopefully will soon be by appointment only. The business? Pesonal Complainer. How often would you like to complain about events in your everyday life but simply can't find the time in your busy schedule? Perhaps, complaining in front of others embarrasses you? Well have no fear! Nothing embarrasses The Shady One. When you are a (literally) dickless Crack Addict with the face of a constipated, albino chicken with lip implants and the build of a Raggedy Andy doll if it weren't so muscular, I suppose embarrassment is a luxory ill afforded. - OK. FUCK IT! This post is going no where. NO WHERE! I started this post two weeks ago and forgot all about it and now can't pick up the thread. GREG is in a shitty mood and posting this shit isn't going to help him. Of course, Greg is always in a shitty mood which is why he is such a PRO COMPLAINER! Greg complains about fucking EVERYTHING!