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Monday, April 30, 2012

GAY DEEP THROAT JOHN IS GIVEN FREE LIFETIME MEMBERSHIP TO THE BETTE MIDLER SPA AND BATHS!

As soon as word hit the street that  Kitchens and More was employing a "Yogi Bear-assed" baritone who wished to be known as Gay Deep Throat John; the phone just would (wood?) not stop ringing. We have also seen a noticeable increase in foot traffic by the more...shall we say "colorful" crowd. Honestly, yesterday there were enough lisp's wandering around to fill a Pride parade in downtown 'Frisco. I heard our tool department experienced a run on Gorilla Tape because, and I quote but cannot explain, "it's the best for holding down a 'tuck between' on dancing nights". Anyhow, this is all due to Gay John adding Deep Throat to his nickname. John himself is oblivious to what's going on. A guy who referred to himself as Toothless Frank Clap Spreader followed John around all day saying over and over "fifties and hundreds over here fifties and hundreds me boy" until his voice gave out and he left. One weird looking little guy with green and pink stripes in his hair gave John a Blue Oyster Bar Forever! T-shirt and whispered in awe "you are my hero". Our very own Rick Palmsundaybrook asked John to sign a pair of ass less black leather chaps (Rick insists they are for his very progressive Reverend). G.D.T. John walks around with this "gee whiz" grin thinking all this attention is due to his stupid announcements and not the fact that calling oneself Gay Deep Throat John might attract RuPaul devotees and newly released prison bitches with a taste for sodomy as commerce (a Do-Rag wearing Queen named Rudy Dee said John looked worth "two cartons of Kools and a Pop Rocks Enema). John winced when he heard that but started walking a little prouder. Honest.

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