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Wednesday, April 4, 2012


Shady Greg, in a pathetic attempt to make something of his life, has begun voting for himself on Dancing with the Stars. It may have dawned on some of you that Shady Greg is not a star, is not a has been, is not even a might have been. Shady is not on DWT-FUCKING-S because Shady is a never gonna be. Shady was on stage once in his life. He was nine. He played a tree. The tree did not move. The tree did not speak. The tree just stood there. More accurately, the tree was just supposed to stand there. The tree moved. The tree moved to the front of the stage. The tree peed its trunk. Everyone laughed. After 17 years of fruitless therapy Shady has changed that humiliating childhood memory to a positive. He now remembers that moment fondly. He now tells the story as if he was supposed to pee his bark. He says it was to demonstrate the need for watering your lawn. There wasn't even supposed to be a tree in the stupid play since it was called "Me and my body". Shady simply could not remember his line for being an amino acid. His line was "I am a amino acid. I am important to digestion." To stupid to remember that, and with the school rule that all children must have a part in the play, the teacher made Greg a tree. He made himself a self watering tree. Now Shady sits at home, in the dark, rubber gloves and lotion on the table beside him, and watches DWTS. He pretends Edyta Slavinski is his partner (She is no longer on the show. So Shady gets to design her outfits. In his mind.). Shady and Edyta dance and dance and then they make love. Len gives them a five. Carrie Ann, however, gives them a ten. Bruno masturbates. Greg and Carrie Ann make love. Then Greg and Len have make up sex. Len criticizes Greg for poor posture but scores it a seven (one point having been deducted for "too short a routine"). Then Greg gets online ands votes for himself. He votes for himself roughly a hundred times a night. Basically, just emailing the DWTS website hoping against hope that a producer from the show will call him and say "Due to overwhelming demand we must have you on the show". Then Greg watches the nightly news, and strangely, he votes for himself.

1 comment:

  1. Wait a second... can this guy even dance or is he just fooling himself?