Tuesday, September 11, 2012
SHADY GREG AND THE CASE OF THE YOGURT COVERED DICK!
Shady Greg, the Jack-Ass Idiot with a heart of slime, continues to defy normalcy. His latest tale of fucked up woe is as bizarre as I've ever heard here at Kitchen's and More. Let's start at the beginning. At least as near to the beginning as we can get. One fine day Greg was eating yogurt covered pretzels on the sales floor and thought to himself that if his dick was covered in yogurt he would get more blowjobs. Two problems with this idea right off the start: 1). Greg married a Jewish woman. How much head is she going to give when she won't even put pork in her mouth! Besides, they've been married a long time and after the first five years blowjobs become as rare as Pink Unicorns. 2). Shady Greg has no actual DICK. He wears a homemade contraption in place of a dick that accepts screw-in tools like mini-weedwhackers and magnifying glasses and other weird things that help Shady feel slightly more masculine walking around dickless. So that day Shady had a frozen earthworm in his pants (he planned on fishing after work) and decided to test his yogurt dick blowjob theory. He coated his earthworm in cherry vanilla yogurt and then squatted over a bottom freezer dangling his dripping stuff into the freezer hoping it would freeze the yogurt quickly. Shady could have just unscrewed the frozen earthworm without having to drop his pants around his ankles and squatting over a showroom floor bottom freezer but Shady is an exhibitionist Sick Fuck. Anyhow, without dragging this out any further than it needs to be, long story short and everything, Greg's yogurt covered earthworm of a dick is the whole reason Gay John wound up with a crazed walleye trying to force its way down his throat! And before any pissed off Jewish women angrily contact me, let me state for the record that I'm sure some of you are wonderful cocksuckers.