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Tuesday, April 10, 2012

FESTIVAL PLANNED AS SHADY GREG WALKS 1,000,000 CUSTOMER!!!

So often this blog focuses on the shadier aspects of Shady Greg without pausing to look at the actual accomplishments of the man himself. Today that will change. Less than an hour ago the Shady One walked a pair of lesbians in absolutely grand fashion, and he did this, not on his home court of Appliances (where he is most comfortable at walking customers) but on the foreign soil of Lawn and Garden. Some people might think it is easier to walk someone in a department that you are not familiar with. Not true! It is actually harder for most salespeople because, we (The good salespeople) actually want the customers to have a positive experience here at Kitchens and More, we want the customer to leave happy so we go out of our way to get them the information they seek or the help they need. Not Shady Greg. No, the Shady One does not care for or about customers. Yes, he wants their money, but a pick pocket has better people skills than Greg. So when the lesbian couple stopped Greg and asked him for help it should come as no surprise that he tried to feign a heart attack. He clutched his chest, fell to his knees, and said "aarrhhhhggggg! I'm coming to join you ...What was that chicks name from Sanford and Son. You know, when Red Foxx would say ' I'm coming to join ya baby'...'This is the big one honey'...You can't remember either, eh? Oh well...Arrrrrgggghhghgg". Then his head dropped to the floor, he closed his eyes and lay there for about two minutes until one of the lesbians (The incredibly pissed off and offended lesbians) kicked him and screamed for him to get up and help them. Shady grudgingly got to his feet and said "All right. What do you need?". Lesbian #1 (Both lesbians were named Patty) said "We would like to purchase a Lawn Tractor, please". To which Greg responded "$1500 is a lot to spend for a vibrator... What? Not even a smile? OK. How about this, A lawn tractor? How about giving men a chance? Nothing? Fine. Last try. A lawn tractor? How about just using scissors? Your kind are supposed to love scissoring!".  Lesbian #2, or Patty #1, kicked Greg so hard between the legs he went from Balls to Ball (one big lumpy blue ball). The Patty's left and Shady Greg had officially walked his 1,000,000 customer. Way to go Shady.

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