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Tuesday, February 5, 2013

SHADY GREG HAS SUPER BOWEL PARTY!

Shady Greg, the world's foremost plugged toilet enthusiast, has sunk to new levels of toxic tastelessness. On Super Bowl Sunday (not to mention the Puppy Bowl) the sick Bastard that is the Shady One invited his mini-Horde of Online Peeophiles, Poopophiles, Pukeophiles and all around degenerate Fuck Friends over to the Shady Dungeon (his living room is done in Gothic Stone Wallpaper and he pulls the dusty drapes for privacy) for his annual (anal) Super Bowel Party. Details of the debauchery are slowly beginning to emerge as more people come forward seeking forgiveness from Farmer Brown and the terrible things done to his cows in the name of thrills (one poor Bessy died with a 5 ft. HabiTrail filled with hamsters in her intestines. Purple elbow length rubber gloves were found next to her rigor mortis stiff hooves no more than 10 yards from Shady's back porch.) It is worth noting that Farmer Brown only raises Asian Cows which are revered on the internet for their smaller hooves, petite udders, and willingness to share cud! Before Gay Deep Throat John disappeared from the scene he and Shady had created a website called ASIAN LADY-MOO'S CUD CORRAL which was the first website to feature pregnant, transgender, silicone enhanced udder Longhorns with Catholic overtones. Rumors abound that G.D.T. John was in attendance at the party (his Bowels are legendary in the pervert world) but no proof has yet been found. The local Pizza joint is said to have delivered 32 pounds of anchovies (no pizzas. just anchovies) to the Shady One's house along with 5 gallons of pizza sauce (again. anchovies, sauce, NO actual pizza's). If you, like me, wonder at the signifigance of these deliveries allow me to enlighten you. It turns out G.D.T. John has long been an advocate of anchovies for their natural supply of oils which are used in several cheap off brand "personal lubricants". One can only assume the pizza sauce is because anchovies are an acquired taste. So it appears, yet again, that Gay Deep Throat John is back on the scene. For some strange reason he has yet to return to the public eye. As for Shady Greg and his Super Bowel Party, Ribbed 32 Day Glo 27 (no high fives, a lot of fists).

Saturday, February 2, 2013

BELARUS DECIDES TO BECOME A PLAYER!

Belarus, a country filled with Bela-roos-ons (Belarussians looks like Bell-A-Russians) is a very interesting little country located somewhere other than the Americas. Actually, landlocked in between Poland, Ukraine and Russia (or possibly just south of Sweden) Belarus is sensitive to being landlocked and frequently likes to tell unsuspecting people it is a beautiful island with gorgeous white sandy beaches. Some native to Belarus refer to themselves as BelOrussians (with out capitalizing or underlining the "O" which I did only for emphasis) but of course those people are fucking idiots because the letter "O" is not in the name of the country so it would be illegal to use it in the name of the people! (Duh!) Anyhow, scientists and geologists and certain math teachers like to debate how Belarus is pronounced: either Bell-a-ruse or Bee-lair-us. To this day no right answer has been determined. Kinda strange, isn't it? I personally would simply like to thank the many good people of Bee-lair-us who visit this blog on a daily basis. You Mothers are some Heavy, Heavy Players. Keep rocking to that "80's" music the rest of us left behind by 1990. (it's just so cute you haven't updated!)