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Monday, January 23, 2012


Marcy is probably one of the sweetest people to ever inhabit this planet. She is always polite, patient and charming. If you ever met Marcy chances are you liked her. Marcy needed a new dishwasher. She entered Kitchens and More and unfortunately she got Shady Greg as her salesman. Marcy said to Greg " I need a new dishwasher." Greg replied "Good for you". Marcy asked if Greg would please help her in selecting a new dishwasher. Greg asked Marcy " Are you buying it today babydoll or are you all stroke with no finish?". Marcy gasped and stammered out that she would like one today seeing as how her old one no longer worked. Shady Greg rolled his toothpick around his mouth and said " I'm guessing that with a caboose like yours the engine room goes through a lot of fuel. Don't take that the wrong way, babydoll , the caboose is always my favorite for a ride." Marcy thought perhaps she was having a nightmare. She wasn't. Marcy had merely come to Kitchens and More during Shady Greg's identity crisis. For Shady Greg did not think of himself as Greg. No. He thought of himself as Bitch Magnet. And Bitch Magnet could do no wrong with a lady (in his mind anyway).  Bitch Magnet asked Marcy what sort of features she wanted in her new dishwasher and she responded that she wanted a quiet one that cleaned well. Bitch Magnet grinned and said "I bet you could lick'em clean". Marcy unconsciously stepped backward and said in a choked voice " That does it! You lewd, crass, disgusting excuse of a man. I want to speak to your BOSS right NOW!" Bitch Magnet grinned and looked at Marcy over the top of his smoky shades  and asked in his best Clint Eastwood voice " Are you sure, Babydoll? Are you sure you can handle meeting THE BOSS?". Marcy insisted. Bitch Magnet dropped his pants to his ankles and said "THE BOSS is sleeping little lady. How about you wake him up?". Marcy had played soccer in high school and she kicked two balls at once for a big score! For atleast a month after that Bitch Magnet was known as Grapes.

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