Saturday, March 24, 2012
HIGH SCHOOL HI JINKS OF JOVIAL AND SHADY (band fags is unacceptable, derogatory and hurtful)
Due to popular demand, it is time to reveal the back story of how Shady Greg and Jovial John became such firm friends. It turns out they went to high school together. Which is really scary considering Greg is 23 years older than John (Gregs' mother held him back until he was emotionally and physically ready). Way back in those golden years of long ago at that early stage of life neither Shady Greg nor Jovial John were known by those nicknames. No. Shady was called Ol' Lonely and Jovial was referred to as Bubble (short for Bubble boy. Not because he lived in a bubble, but because people wished he did). Did Shady deserve to be called Ol' Lonely? Yes. Greg had no friends. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Gregs' mother even tried the trick of tying a pork chop around his neck just to get the dog to play with him and the dog turned vegetarian. So anyway it was inevitable that Bubble and Lonely would find each other and develop a friendship. Lonely was old enough to buy beer (which they talked about but never tried) and Bubble told jokes. At least he and Lonely thought they were jokes (what did one banana say to the other banana? Hey, your yellow). Boy how the two of them would laugh. "It's like no gets the fact that bananas really are yellow". Not real surprising they had no other friends is it? The two of them did everything together, ate lunch together, got beat up together; even formed a circle jerk together. Although that did not last long as Lonely had weak wrists and Dungeons and Dragons porn is hard to find anyway. Like all young lads they were curious, wanting to find their place in the world. They harbored secret dreams and aspirations. Lonely hoped to someday captain the field hockey team (he never did. Lil' Becky Boonce captained and lettered all four years) while Bubble dreamed of becoming The Drum Major. Two things stood in Bubbles' way to making Drum Major : 1). Bubble was a tuba player. The tuba section is where band sticks you if you're too stupid for kazoo. 2). Bubble played drums using his face. Wonderful for a Late Night stupid human trick, terrible for an actual Drum Major. Also, not to be mean but Bubble doing high kicks while spinning a baton was about as likely as Brian Hunt winning a slam dunk contest. OK I guess that was a little mean. If only because Brian jumps as well as Bubble looks. Anyhow, Lonely was in band as well. Lonely was a clarinet player. A kind of scary coincidence : At this time in pop culture Mr. T was at the height of his fame and lonely referred to all things clarinet as "licking the licorice stick". Make of that what you will. For anyone interested Bubble referred to all things tuba as "blowing wind with my Fart Partner". This brings us to the end of part one of this story. Part two will appear in the near future if there is a call for it. Please leave a comment in the comment section if you enjoyed part one.