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Friday, July 27, 2012


Poor, delusional John. He can't catch a break from anyone, least of all himself. Even his parents look down on him (they gave him the middle name "Oh Well"). Nothing goes right for John-Example: John's girlfriend (named Howie) has a thicker mustache than him and he has bigger boobs than her! His best friend, Shady Greg, once promised to teach John "The Cool Guy Secret Handshake". John needed three penicillin shots to clear up the infection and couldn't sit for a month (Even worse, the pictures Greg promised to burn are all over the Internet with captions like "That'll leave a stain" and "INCOMING!" If you really need to see them just go to Slap Happy Bare Anyhow, John has been reading management books, jogging, dieting and squinting his eyes like (he thinks) Clint Eastwood all in an attempt to be taken more seriously. John desperately wants to be treated with respect (an almost universal desire, admittedly) it's just that his latest plan to garner said respect is absurd, scary, freaky, and very GAY (not that there's anything wrong with gay)! John has shaved all hair from his body, including eyebrows, and slathered his body in butter oil while wearing clear see-thru heels. He demands to be called Silky Pooh! Now no one has any respect for him (he has even earned a new nickname from Alex in the Lawn & Garden department who saw Johns shrunken almost not there manhood and titled him Sliced Mushroom on the spot)!

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