SHADY GREG EATS OWN POOP TO LOOK COOL IN FRONT OF DOGS

Shady Greg, never one to be cool in front of humans, has taken to attempting coolness in front of his dogs. Long shunned from any meaningful human contact, with no sane friends who also have the power of speech (his sane "friends" when trapped by his company feign muteness while searching for escape routes) and a father-in-law who never hides his displeasure with Greg; the Shady One now worries what his dogs think of him. Most humans enjoy dogs because dogs are non-judgemental and love their owners unconditionally. Greg's dogs have lots and lots of conditions before they love him, even forcing him to sign a non-disclosure form concerning the extent of the relationship (Shady isn't allowed to discuss whether or not he has ever petted either dog until 10 years after the oldest ones' death---Also, I just find this to be a rather interesting side note, but, most dogs have absolutely no religious beliefs what-so-ever. Shady Greg has two dogs now who, ever since moving in with him, at the very least, firmly believe in Purgatory).Anyhow, Shady noticed that his Dwarf Doberman (not a min pin but an honest to goodness Dwarf Doberman), named Salt Substitute, frequently eats its own poop immediately after dropping. Shady, who thinks Salt Substitute is pretty cool, decided this must be what cool dogs do. Therefor, so must he. So Shady, in plain view of the neighbors now shits his own lawn then drops to all fours and eats it. He then runs inside and washes it down with cool refreshment from the toilet. Sadly, his dogs still think him needy and nerdy.