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Tuesday, March 26, 2013

SHADY GREG HEARS "VOICE OF GOD" - CLAIMS GOD GOES BY "FRED"

Shady Greg, the worlds foulest collection of living tissue, has turned over a new leaf. Shady claims that as he was on his way home a "BOOMING" voice broke out over his head saying "Shady Greg! Shady Greg! REPENT! NOW!" (interesting that "GOD" calls him Shady as well. Perhaps he's written in the BOOK OF LIFE that way). Shady looked up and said "Oh dear Lord is that you?" to which the Lord responded "No, Idiot. It's your first grade teacher Mrs. Landry. Of course it is I, The Lord." Greg asked "Oh great Lord what do you want with me, your oh so humble servant?" Then, according to Greg (who even the Lord calls Shady) The Lord said "First off feel free to call me Fred." "FRED?" "naw, just Fred"  "Yes oh Great and Powerful Fred what may I do for you?"  "First off just call me Fred. No need to to preface it with Great and Powerful. I mean, we both know I can turn you into a pillar of salt or flood your basement; whatever strikes my fancy. But ask one of you to call me Fred and it just becomes this giant hassle."  "I see, " said Shady, "So Fred, what else can I do for you?" - Here it should be pointed out that Greg was on the Smart Bus in his usual window seat, licking away moments before this alleged conversation took place. NO ONE ELSE ON THE BUS HEARD FRED'S THE LORD'S END OF THE CONVERSATION!! All any of his fellow passenger's heard and saw was Greg, eyes closed and spittle on his chin, talking very loudly to himself. (which isn't all that unusual for Greg. The Fred business?  yes. Talking to himself? No. Par for the course.)- Anyhow, Greg wants all of us here at Kitchen's and More to refer to him as Shady Pastor Greg the Sparkling Chosen One Golden Boy (unanimously refused) and to listen to him preach from his pulpit. Shady stands on top of a vacuum box and yells all shift long about how we all need to change. Following is part of his spiel from today : Friends, Nomads, Country Musicians-Lend me your ears and I promise to give them back. Better than new! The time of our Lord Fred is Nigh! Follow my lead and give up your PORN! Follow my lead and give up your NIPPLE CUFFS! Follow my lead and give up your KITTEN MINIONS!  For the day of the hour of the blackest night to ever strike in the day is NIGH! REPENT! REPENT NOW! Leave the wickedness of the LUST in your LOINS behind! Particularly pork loin. Terrible stuff. FRED is the WAY! FRED is the LIGHT!  Oops. ..wait a sec..it's just Fred. Fred is light and whatnot" ---- Anyway, I guess we'll just have to wait and see how long this kick lasts because a Shady Greg without porn is like a day without a night; a dog without a bone; a horse with no name wandering around a desert or something. IT JUST ISN"T RIGHT! HELL! WITHOUT SHADY GREG THE ENTIRE ADULT INDUSTRY MAY COLLAPSE! AND IF THAT HAPPENS JUST WHAT IN FRED'S NAME ARE ALL THOSE FAKE TITS SUPPOSED TO DO?!?

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