SHADY GREG SHOOTS UP WITH KELLY MONACO!

Shady Greg, the worlds foremost degenerate, has "degenerated" even more. Shady was in LA trying to sell his manuscript LIFE IS SHIT AND SO ARE YOU to MGM for a cool half million (declined) (escorted to the curb) (for good measure they then stepped on his head) (ouch!), anyhow while out there he snuck into the studio where DWTS is filmed. He posed as a potted plant but was discovered when a stage hand pointed out that a real potted plant would have more personality. While on the run from security he slipped into Kelly Monaco's dressing room pretending to be a Sales Rep from Bulimia Inc. with all new inventive ways to not keep a meal down. Kelly was thrilled. Shady has long had a crush on Kelly Monaco and even confessed to her " I've jacked off to the thought of your nude body so often when I'm in the shower I'm amazed a baby hasn't crawled out of the drain"! Kelly, cruising on the heroin highway, was excited by Shadys' soul baring honesty and ghostly pallor. She asked him "So do you like to shoot speedballs?" Shady Greg, not having any clue what he was being asked, replied "Of course Baby Doll. I even shoot basketballs". Kelly laughed at what she thought was a joke and not proof of Shadys cluelessness. She pulled a baggie of brown/white powder out of a bureau drawer, that Greg figured was Cinnamon sugar, but was actually a potent mix of cocaine and heroin with a taste of rat poison for good measure. Kelly cooked it in a spoon over the flame of a Jr. scientist bunsen burner. She told Shady to roll up his sleeve. He did. Kelly discovered the fact that Greg has veins like a mosquito (is anything manly with this guy?) so she shot him up in his pale bony ass. - Long story short. Shady was arrested three hours later trying to give a hickey to a palm tree. Ironically, I have been contacted by MGM to sell the movie rights to this story!