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Friday, December 14, 2012

SHADY GREG STOPS DEFECATING. NOW IS LITERALLY FULL OF SHIT!

Shady Greg, the smelliest talking turd on Earth, has increased his smell factor by 310% (don't quote me on the percentage. I suck at math and tend to just make numbers up. I believed in eleventeen until I was twelve)! Enough about me though, this blog is about the reigning Heavyweight Chump (ha! chump!) of Stupidity-Shady Greg! The Shady One has stopped defecating. Shit still flows freely from his mouth and comes out his ears and he has never gotten the stains out of the seats of his pants, but he no longer allows actual poop to leave his body. This has been going on for close to a week now, and frankly, it scares me. Shady is a light greenish color around his ears, neck, and mouth. Every 20 minutes or so he doubles over clutching his ample stomach in pain; grimacing "Jesus Darwin Dinosaur Fuck!" while his whole body shakes. Shady swears he has never felt better. Why would anyone deprive themselves from morning movement Glory, you ask? Because they are a fucking idiot! Shady read an article about a Tibetan Monk who only needs to "make waste" once a month. Apparently, the Monk dude has reached a higher plane of "Being". Shady, because he makes a fucking idiot look like a genius, decided he too will achieve a higher plane. Shady didn't want to waste anytime with meditation, prayer, exercise, charity or anything else one might concentrate on to improve one's self. No. Shady Greg figures all he needs to do is limit himself to a monthly dump and BAM! instant Nirvana. So now Shady can be heard up to 30 yards away because of all the weird, loud gurgling, growling, gargling sounds emanating from his abdomen.

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