SHADY GREG ATTEMPTS IMAGE CHANGE TO RUGGED GREG LINCOLN

I personally have never felt sorrier for a fellow human being than I feel for Shady Greg at this moment. Shady is a tall, gangly, nebbish, dick less (literally. Dick less.) balding Swedish Hungarian of Polish descent or an evil Nazi experiment gone horribly wrong. Either way, he has always been consistent. Consistently terrible, but consistent. Today, however, Greg threw us for a loop by showing up for work (amazing all on its own since he is the KING of phoning it in) dressed almost all in black-Black cowboy hat, black denim shirt, black denim jeans with black belt and huge silver belt buckle shaped like a sea horse (?) and pink Crocs that he bought at a garage sale for a buck (he loves the fucking things). What made me feel so sorry for him though was his face. As much as his face resembles that of a make-up less clown fighting his way out of a coma while trying to remember how to speak; at least it's Greg's face. Today, however, Shady showed up with an anemic Chihuahua humping his chin. "Hey Shady! Did you rub glue all over your face and then ask your wife to shave her legs over it?", asked Jimmie. Greg glared at Jimmie and responded with this gem: " Yeah? Well, your face. Hardy hardy hardy ha ha ha ha ha ha ha  Hardy Hardy Ha!"- Because Greg is an idiot. Anyhow, we all kind of just stared at the almost fuzzy chin of Shady Greg as he attempted to walk like John Wayne to the front of the appliance department and announced "Howdy Pard ners! Y'all can jes call me Rugged Greg Lincoln". We laughed at Shady until our stomachs hurt and he crawled crying crooked tears to his hiding spot next to the Boys TOUGHSKINS jeans rack mumbling to himself how much he liked his "Lincoln Beard" and waited for Lona to come over and piss in his mouth.