HOLY SHIT! THIS CAN'T BE TRUE!

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SHADY GREG'S EX-HIGH SCHOOL GIRLFRIEND CLAIMS THEY USED TO SCISSOR ONLY!

What more can be said? We knew he was dickless, just not for how long. Now, for what ever reason, Cindy Lu Who has come forward with her tales of Shady Greg from a bygone era. Cindy, whose husband Horton verifies her claims, stated she knew she wasn't lesbian material after dating Greg. For his part Greg has remained respectful of Cindy, refusing to trash talk her or say anything even slightly critical of her (highly unusual for The Shady One). Greg's only comment to date on the subject was to say that his wife loves his manly vagina and that true scissoring takes GREAT stamina and dexterity.

SMOKING THE CHINESE DRAGON WITH SHADY GREG (he of the goat slit eyes)

It was another slow day around the sales floor here at Kitchens and More when Shady Greg arrived for his three hour shift (Greg is very delicate and can only work eight hours a week maximum. Usually no more than 90 minutes at a time). The Shady One was not dressed in his usual garish manner, but more like Shaggy from the old Scooby Doo cartoons. Nor did he greet us with his usual stammer of "Hidy Ho Ho Ho's and a Twinkie" but instead a whispered " 'Sup Dudes" as he put his shades in his ratty cargo pants pocket and admired his unlaced 1970's era high tops with all their black magic marker graffiti scribblings. Dear Sweet Ruby said "Hairlo Gleg. You is look different, today". To which Greg replied in his new, affected mumble "Yeah well Babydoll my Aura is Karma and I'm chameleon-ing" while he leaned against a refrigerator fumbling with a pack of orange flavored zig zags. Deer Sweet Ruby scrunched up her nose and asked "What he say? Aura is Karma? That make no sense". Greg whisper-spoke "It makes no sense to you because you don't understand Karma." Ruby's eyes damn near popped out of her head as she hissed "I is Indian, you Freak! We invent Karma! I is understanding you is idiot." "Jason Lee invented Karma" said Shady, "I catch him in reruns". Ruby shook her head and went to sit on a dehumidifier (I'm not kidding. Maybe they vibrate or something. I don't know). I asked Shady, aside from the whole Karma thing what's up with the clothes and the Zig Zags and what appeared to be three days worth of stubble on his chin (I say appeared because Greg's facial hair is as masculine as Ellen DeGeneres's all though I'm sure she has bigger genitals). Shady said he had been riding the Chinese Dragon with his new friend Panda Glen and had never felt better. He then credited Panda Glen with introducing him to Karma, casual clothing, and cock rings for recreational use in rafting and hang gliding. I just sorta stared at Shady while my brain frantically tried to erase some terrible images. Shady then said, "Yeah ol' Panda gets the best Chinese Dragon in town. McCormacks. Right there at Kroegers, so you know it's good. Only charges me a $100 an ounce too!"

KELLY MONACO NUDE not on DANCING W/THE STARS!

KELLY MONACO AND HER BIG LUSCIOUS NUDE TITS will not be on DANCING WITH THE STARS THIS SEASON!!! IF YOU ARE SEARCHING THE NET FOR THE LATEST IN KELLY MONACO NUDE NEWS, KELLY MONACO PORN, KELLY MONACO BLOW JOB, KELLY MONACO SEX TAPE, KELLY MONACO LESBIAN AFFAIR OR ANY OTHER KELLY MONACO INFORMATION MAKE SURE TO CHECK HERE!!! I don't actually stock any Kelly Monaco info here nor do I personally care about Kelly Monaco, but enough of you sick fucks out there web search KELLY MONACO TOE SUCK and KELLY MONACO BANANA BOUNCE and KELLY MONACO POLE DANCE WITH ANAL EXPOSURE that it is worth it to me to mention her occasionally for all the extra hits to my site. Things like KELLY MONACO BITCH SLAPS PAM ANDERSON brings you slimy little fuckers out of the woodwork! Anyway, hope the rest of you have a really great day and I'll see you all later. - KELLY MONACO DOES SPEEDBALLS WHILE TEABAGGING!

SHADY GREG'S STRANGE EATING DISORDER!

The Shady One came back from lunch yesterday with sauce stains all over his shirt and noodles dangling from his ears; not an unusual sight for him. Shady normally returns from lunch with fresh stains decorating his Hawaiin shirts and lederhosen (Shady dresses like a fucking idiot because he is a fucking idiot. I didn't even know Joe Boxer made lederhosen). From Cap'n Crunch to Lobster Bisque, from Mac n Cheese to Animal Crackers; Shady Greg can not eat a meal without wearing half of it. So yesterday I asked him about this. Greg laughed and said " I know. I know. It's strange. I try eating anything with a fork or a spoon and I have no clue where my mouth is. But anytime I'm on my knees, hands cuffed behind my back, blindfold in place, working the Glory Hole at an interstate Truck Stop and NOTHING MISSES MY MOUTH! NOTHING! Strange isn't it?". I reminded myself to never ask Greg questions.

SHADY GREG HAS SUPER BOWEL PARTY!

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BELARUS DECIDES TO BECOME A PLAYER!

Belarus, a country filled with Bela-roos-ons (Belarussians looks like Bell-A-Russians) is a very interesting little country located somewhere other than the Americas. Actually, landlocked in between Poland, Ukraine and Russia (or possibly just south of Sweden) Belarus is sensitive to being landlocked and frequently likes to tell unsuspecting people it is a beautiful island with gorgeous white sandy beaches. Some native to Belarus refer to themselves as BelOrussians (with out capitalizing or underlining the "O" which I did only for emphasis) but of course those people are fucking idiots because the letter "O" is not in the name of the country so it would be illegal to use it in the name of the people! (Duh!) Anyhow, scientists and geologists and certain math teachers like to debate how Belarus is pronounced: either Bell-a-ruse or Bee-lair-us. To this day no right answer has been determined. Kinda strange, isn't it? I personally would simply like to thank the many good people of Bee-lair-us who visit this blog on a daily basis. You Mothers are some Heavy, Heavy Players. Keep rocking to that "80's" music the rest of us left behind by 1990. (it's just so cute you haven't updated!)